> My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.

-Henny Youngman

> My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

-Rodney Dangerfield

> A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.

-Milton Berle

> I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,
“There was water in the carburetor.” I asked her, “Where’s the car?”

She replied, “In the lake.”

-Henny Youngman

> The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

-Henny Youngman

> After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when
I married you.” The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and
didn’t notice.”

> When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him
keep her.

> I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months – I don’t like to interrupt her.

> My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got myself two girlfriends.

> A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it
since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.

> Man is incomplete until he is married.
Then he is finished.

> A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?” The father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

> Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a Man doesn’t
know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

> Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until
I got married. Then it was too late.”

> A man placed an ad in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.”
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: “You can have mine.”

> A woman was telling her friend, “I made my husband a millionaire.”
“And what was he before you married him?” asked the friend.
“A billionaire.” she replied,

> Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage
is the triumph of hope over experience.

> It’s not true that married men live longer than single men.
It only seems longer.

> Losing a wife can be very hard.
In my case, it was almost impossible. – Unknown

> Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life.
Thinking they had no faults at all.

> A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

> A man meets a genie.
The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants,
But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.
The man thinks for a moment and says,”Okay, give me a million dollars and
beat me till I’m half dead.”

> Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They’ve
experienced pain and bought jewellery.

> The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it
once.

> First guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”
Second guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive

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