There’s always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for ‘Termination without Cause’.

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator:   ‘Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?’

Caller:     ‘Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.’

Operator:   ‘What sort of trouble??’

Caller:     ‘Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.’

Operator:   ‘Went away?’

Caller:     ‘They disappeared.’

Operator:   ‘Hmm So what does your screen look like now?’

Caller:     ‘Nothing.’

Operator:   ‘Nothing??’

Caller:     ‘It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.’

Operator:   ‘Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??’

Caller:     ‘How do I tell?’

Operator:   ‘Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??’

Caller:     ‘What’s a sea-prompt?’

Operator:   ‘Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?’

Caller:     ‘There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.’

Operator:   ‘Does your monitor have a power indicator??’

Caller:     ‘What’s a monitor?’

Operator:   ‘It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on??’

Caller:     ‘I don’t know.’

Operator:   ‘Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??’

Caller:     ‘Yes, I think so.’

Operator:   ‘Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.

Caller:     ‘Yes, it is.’

Operator:   ‘When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??’

Caller:     ‘No.’

Operator:   ‘Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.’

Caller:     ‘Okay, here it is.’

Operator:   ‘Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.’

Caller:     ‘I can’t reach.’

Operator:   ‘Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??’

Caller:     ‘No.’

Operator:   ‘Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??’

Caller:     ‘Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle – it’s because it’s dark.’

Operator:   ‘Dark??’

Caller:     ‘Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.

Operator:   ‘Well, turn on the office light then.’

Caller:     ‘I can’t.’

Operator:   ‘No? Why not??’

Caller:     ‘Because there’s a power failure.’

Operator:   ‘A power……… A power failure? Aha, Okay, we’ve got it licked now.

Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??’

Caller:     ‘Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.’

Operator:   ‘Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it.
Then take it back to the store you bought it from.’

Caller:     ‘Really? Is it that bad?’

Operator:   ‘Yes, I’m afraid it is.’

Caller:     ‘Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??’

Operator:   ‘Tell them you’re too Fu— ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!

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